Escapril 2024

It’s raining and I’m gaining
Weight density and even mass
A block of ice turning to glass
The street night swallows me
I’m not what ever may be
Shadows switching sidewalks
And I become an
Other in the dark

It once was so new to me
Time-limited miracle
In the library – one hour bracket
Now in our pockets
Such a vast knowledge
At fingertips ends
How crafty mankind is
O brave new world
That has such people in it

Another geezers’ dinner
So boring it feels like last supper
You’re far across the table
And no jokes are even feasible
One guest goes all pompous on the go you cough cough
It is just one second it has lasted enough
Just the time for a wink
Others think that you’ve blinked

I rest my head on the rear window
The rhythm of the road
Bumps bumps b-bumps bumps
Kilometers long – a car’s engine feast
Fast-forward landscapes
Green gray green gray wild cities wild cities
Muscles sore and dry mouth
Bodily time-reminder
All along
I’ve waited for this to happen again

“Hyperactive thinking is all funny”
While you’re spiraling up, okay
Not when you spiral down
I will hit the next one advising me
To “go with the flow”
Boy it’s a water slide
In the pool party of my memory

Just like any other day. I’m staring at the wall.
Grass-green walls and paler lines flecked with yellow and red.
I’m happy, not hungry – Don’t want to play, but no ennui – I’m both nine and ninety.
And for once everything remains
Serene.

On the white wall of my living room there are two wooden frames
On the white wall of my living room two black and white photos
Frozen in time and fashion like Hollywood icons
The light shaping their faces in the Harcourt way
Dark and mysterious leading man – Female lead sweet and smiling
While he suffers she awaits with her love to offer
Time has told how happy
He made her

I can’t help but wonder hearing the mourning wails what’s the truth breathing behind the veil?
In a realm of shadows where illusions collide what’s the truth behind the mask we hide?
Does it lie in our fears our hopes our dreams or deep within our subconscious streams?

Is it in the words we speak or the actions we seek?
In the silence that weeps or the secrets we keep?

Seeking answers yet finding none
We wander on
And day is done

I bite my nails I pluck my hair I pick my skin
I’m never calm
My lips so hurt it’d help
To eat lip-balm
And some say oh you’re so still and so tranquil
Dear my wild anxiety is a pet to me
And just as a wild animal in cage would do
I don’t meditate
I bit my nails I pluck my hair I pick my skin

Everyday morning walk
Mountain whitened ahead
The castle is asleep
In your wide foggy hands

Head held high shoulders back
Show the world all your strengths
Posture matters
Not imposters

Twilight bleeds into nightfall
But the light endures till dawn
Glowing constellations call
Dozen golden threads cascade
Until daybreak gently treads

Stay still don’t fight back now you’ve sat
“Kitty cat” let me call you that
I wish we’d stay that way
Always always always
You’re purring harder
Under my finger

I’m sitting by a stream – forest greener than grass itself
And the birds are chirping
And the stream is gurgling
I can’t move I can’t go but I’m serene as Peace herself
And the birds are gurgling
And the stream is chirping
And it doesn’t matter

I still keep somewhere closed
On my memory shelves
A jar of sand and seashells
And sometimes soundlessly a grain of sand
Dripping from the hourglass squeaks under my mind
In the most unexpected and imprecise moments
It reminds me
I still keep somewhere closed
On my memory shelves
A jar of sand and seashells
From the beach where my childhood drowned

Witness to mishap
Witness to another’s fall
Heartache shared nearby
Heart echoes their flush of red
Kindness bridges gap
Shared shame binds us tight

« If it’s tough we will go
Through truth truce »
Maybe truly that’s the cruces
Truth then go through the trough
And truth be told
I hate molds

And sometimes suddenly
Old photos
Memories
When I thought pain was light
But worth it – I had might
I wished I stayed
Suspended in air

A collection of alarms serving as reminders.
6:30 – wake up
8:00 – go to work (don’t forget your lunchbox)
8:55 – begin work
11:00 – show up at work appointments
12:45 – send that stupid email
13:00 – begin lunch break
14:00 – end lunch break
15:30 – ask your boss about that process change
17:00 – stop work
17:30 – go to doctors appointment
19:00 – go to friends appointment
20:30 – go home
21:10 – get the food out of the oven
21:45 – shower
22:30 – go to sleep

I often feel bad for moths trapped inside
A cold cement home
With no grass to walk on
A post-modern coop
Much sadder than winter
I often feel bad for moth as they glide
Down the wall all dizzy
Up again all bumpy
Trying to merge with light
This probably because I see
A bit of myself
In ’em

They say you don’t need a calendar to die
But what’s left when others tidy your stuff after you’ve gone
A dirty diary tricky trinkets and messy memories
The problem of death is the chaos
It solves and creates

Your shape and voice once again gnaw
Deep inside me they eat it raw
A thirst for blood – A hunger more
The call of chaos I can’t ignore

Pixel pixel code
Dash dash motherlode
Paradise caught in a breath
Happiness no risk of death
You can party night and day
All is a mouse-mile away
Do you think it’s so glamour
Beware of the pool ladder

Sudden emotions
Unexpected transmission
Waves beyond reason

Still silenced in its own defence
And always speaking in past tense
Hidden within a moonlit night
Captured in a beam of sunlight
Or deep-entwined with a black hole
Is the darkness keeping me whole

Beyond the stars, beyond the sky,
Lies the limit of humankind.
Nevertheless, on this dear Earth,
It seems humans are still endless
In stupidity and madness.
You can’t blame them for trying, right?
But at least space has pretty sights.

Open my heart wide
Scalpel it all around
Look at what’s inside
The turmoils in it bound
Curve the mountains you’d like to see
The streams and rivers to the sea
Use your love to shape it
Just as it used to be

I know you’ve been crying
It’s been oh – so many times
Since you’ve tripped and
You’ve fallen broken
You’re asking for a simple cure
A trick to end what you endure
Simple someone to tell you to
Deal with it all how to exist and reconquer
Who you were the whys and wheres
I have no answer for I remember
All the times I’ve cried
It’s been oh – so many times

What’s left now
That we’re growing small – shriveling withering
Angered from disagreement
Killing children for a statement
Holding onto illusions
A glorious past that never was
Never will be

What’s left now
That we’re blowing the Earth
And robbing and robbing her sheer belongings
Obliteration as a solution
To her resistance for she never
Obeyed us – never ever
To begin with

Our only hope is that
Tomorrow will be good